"Why Don't You Write Again?" and Internet Anxiety

Jakarta, Indonesia
Sunday, 9 December 2018

"Why don't you write again?" was the questions I got times this year. It came first from Dad, the loyal reader of my blog, mom, and it came from friends too. I could blame the never-ending office work and my time management skills but to be frank, firstly, it's because I'm too depending on my writing mood. I could have a thousand words on my mind if I'm in the mood, but most of the time it's not on the situation where I could write it down and when I got the time to, suddenly I'm on a writer's block  I made a lot of excuses. On the other side, sometimes I got too overwhelmed and it makes so hard for me to write it all down.

Another reason is something that has been on my mind lately. Talking about the internet, it is a place where everyone can have access to. It could be anyone from the job recruiter, the boss of the company, long lost friend, distance family, friends who said that they're your friend but they're talking about you at the back, the friends of someone you have a problem with or anybody else in the world - which you don't know that they exist.

I was once writing my personal stories and I thought nobody would read cos I didn't tell everyone the link and I thought if some people knew that it's personal, they would understand and got over it- what I'd do to others' personal posts. Turned out people read, shared links and talked about it but never said it to my face and asked me. I once disappoint someone because of my post too. Hence that gave me a lesson to be more cautious about what I share on the internet.

because what stays on the internet stays forever.

Did you know everyone could receive all single details about you in a single click? Try to google your name for an example. You'd find your Instagram page, youtube, LinkedIn, and other pages that have your account or articles that mentioned your name. Here's an example of what I usually do to find out about people:
  1. Google their name to find out their accounts or some related pages/articles.
  2. On Facebook, find his/her "About" to know where does he/she currently lives, where he/she came from, which school she attended to and who's the mutual friend. On his/her photo album, I could see his/her friends, a photo of his/her exes, his/her families, and what type of person he/she is based on their posts.
  3. If Facebook doesn't give me anything, I look up his/her Instagram account. I look at the tagged photos, where he/she got their photo usually unedited. I look at the friends who tagging, who are his/her close friends. The posts/photos posted could actually tell a lot about someone, including the captions.
  4. Instagram is not enough? On LinkedIn people gave free information on their career track, where they currently working at, including their position.
  5. To find some personal side, go for their blog. or Tumblr - where people got all unfiltered. I have some favorite bloggers since high school that I look up to, some posted their love stories, so I'd know their love story back then before they broke up and marrying someone else. There are some bloggers that shared their family stories, so I'd know what's happening on their children.
Scary enough?

For me, definitely.

And that little bit holding me from sharing. Other questions that holding me back from writing:
  1. What if my post is too 'loud'?
  2. What if people misinterpreted my posts?
  3. What if my posts changed the way people look at me?
  4. What if my posts tell me so much about I am?
sigh. there is a lot of anxiety here and there lol.

But I got it all figured it out when I reminded myself of the purpose of having this blog.

Why do I have to have a blog? Why should I share the personal side of me to strangers?

At the first place, this blog might be a platform for me to pour it all in. But as time goes by, and as the blog changing, I know it's a medium to share perspectives of life from my side. I wanted people who came to my blog be on the journey with me, on life and happiness. To open up on new perspectives. To be mindful over the little things. To realize, over the storm, we could find joy in the things that we slightly missed and there are the countless blessing from Him that we should be grateful for. 

And truthfully, from the bottom of my heart, I miss writing. 

So I'd say to myself, welcome back.

To you,

Would you be on the journey with me?

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